I want her body but she's not 18 yet

[Tabitha]

I guess I'll have to learn to wait until she's old enough.

Eight years sure seems like a long time to wait though!
How will I ever manage?

I'm someone who feels a special fondness for girls aged 9-11, and 10-year-olds in particular.
The only explanation I've been able to reason for this is that as a child myself, a young boy of age 5 I was coddled & adored and cared for by my older sister who was 10. Our parents weren't around much so she was my main source of joy & security. Also, through my preteen years I had many little girlfriends from around the neighborhood to play with, I spent more time with them, rather than boys.
Therefore I've concluded my unusual sexual orientation hardwired itself during my early development, and now it is beyond my control to change. So now, managing my impulsiveness has become of vital importance, pivotal to surviving the everyday challenges of being a pedophile.

Do you feel especially attracted toward any specific age group? If so, can you explain why?
How do you deal with your desires?

[Kasz]

Tabitha,
thanks for your short story about your feelings and life in your childhood. In many Czech posts we describe our desires and feelings towards children generally in the same way.

I am 31 year old and for the first time I fell love with a 10 year old girl when I was 20. I am worrying a bit about your first sentence (in the head title). You say, that you want her body. It seems for me a little bit different from "I want her in all way, including her soul". When I fall in love with a girl (child), I also don't only want to feel her body, but I want all good for her. I realize, that I can't tell her that I am loving her, because she is a child. I know, that such information should destroy our good friendly relationship, because she could hardly manage it.

Just now I love one girl from her 10 years of age until her 15 years of age today. I can say I'm waiting for her, not wanting her body. I want to marry her in the future, but I must wait until she could manage such information and until she can do real decision about it. I know, probability for partnership with her is low, but it's not impossible. I think she is the last girl, who I am waiting for. Other child-girls will be for me only friends, which I wish a happiness in their lives. I'm also seeking some older girls (women), above the legal age of 15 (in Czech republic) for serious partnership, but just now I'm still waiting for Margaret (in Czech language her name is Markéta).

One day, 2,5 years ago, when she was 12, I came back from visiting her at home and I wrote this "confession of love":
Margaret,
today we were talking one and half hour again after week. I heavily breath your beauty when I leave you from your home. So much I want to say you how I love you, but I can't yet. What I want for you in your life is to make you happy with everything what I am and what I have, but I also can't yet. I can only wait until you grow up and until you ever be able to consider such matters. Just now I can do nothing other than wishing you happinnes and that one day you'll find the right guy with whom you'll be happy, and pray for it. Pray for that he would love you and you would love him. Maybe the day when I offer you everything what I am and what I have will come in the future. You have full right to refuse and I have to respect that.
Margaret, I love you.
Peter

So that I feel my love to Margaret. Yesterday I was with her for the afternoon and evening from 15 to 22 o'clock at her home. We are friends al least for 5 years, I often help her learning and doing homework for school, last year she asked me, if I can help her with preparation for high school entrance exams. We have very good friendship in these days. But I still know, that I must wait. Margaret's mother knows for 4 years, that I love Margaret. She also knows, that I'm a paedophile, who is attracted to girls from 4 to 12 years of age. In the beginning she thought, that if Margaret will be older, I'd lose my interest for her, but now she sees, that I still love her and wait for her. She told me this year that I have to wait to tell her at least a few years, after my note that I want to tell Margaret about my love. So there's no way than still to wait for her.

For your second question about reasons, why I am (or we are) attracted to little girls (or boys): I don't have any experiences in my childhood, which I could consider as a reason, which could lead my erotic attraction towards children. I noticed my very first feelings of beauty towards child-girls, when I was 13. In that age I admired girls, who attended the first holy communion in our catholic church, they were from 7 to 9 years of age. Also I noticed 11-12 years old girls on secondary education level, who attended our Grammar school. I felt and admire their great beauty, and also I felt, that I can't tell it to anyone, because I was scared that the person realizes, that I'm paedophile. I never wanted to hurt somebody, even child. Because of the beauty I felt I wanted to protect the beauty from any hurting. There were any information, that these feelings an adult or young adult person can have, so I think, that I'm the only one in the world with these feelings. And also - on the TV or in the newspaper there were only information about paedophiles, who commited child abuse (and the term paedophile was (and is) very often used as a synonym for child abuser, even if the child abuser is not paedophile-oriented in fact). When I was 20, I found Host's website, which had opened my eyes and after some time I fell love with 10 year old girl from our church and then I fully realized, that I'm a paedophile in fact.

I fell in love with approx. 9 girls (ages are in the format my_age-her_age and her name): 16-13 Lucy, 17-13 Suzan, 18-17 Martina, 20-10 Claire, 24-11 Elizabeth and 26-10 Margaret. With Margaret over time I simultaneously fell in love with other girls: 28-10 Barbara, 30-7 Simona, 30-15 Nicole. These fallings in love were a bit shorter and through that tome I also loved and love Margaret. I think, it's because I can't tell Margaret, that I love her. I think the friendships with adults end in the puberty of child mostly because the child loses his interest in adult friends and becomes more interested in relationships with their peers, that is example with Claire and Elizabeth - my intensive friendship with them ended mostly because of what I wrote. In case of Claire, we had very close friendship for 4 years, and after a visiting theatre in Prague I told her about my love to her, she was 14,5 year old. Now I know, it was too early, and from that time I advice others not to tell their love to child at least until 15 years of age, or even more. I want wait for Margaret even for 2, 3 or 5 years, but it mostly depends on her, if she would have relationship with me or not. May be through that time I can find young adult women, who I will fall love with... We will se.

The last girl - Nicole, because we were new for each other and I didn't feel her as a child, I told her about my interest in her. She answered me, that If I would be 12 years younger, she would accepted me.

I feel the greatest attraction to girls from 11 to 12 years of age. But as you see, I'm not paedophile exlusively, I'm also attracted to young girls at the end of puberty or in adolescence, and even in adulthood, but these are mostly exceptions, for e.g. I like my colleague at work, which is 24 year old, but she is assigned with another boy and she plan to marry him next year.

So this is my "short" history about my feelings and life. I am glad to share our feelings also with other English speaking paedophiles. Thank you very much!

[Kasz]

Reading your post again and again I've suggested one idea:

I guess I'll have to learn to wait until she's old enough. Eight years sure seems like a long time to wait though! How will I ever manage?

One question is, how you will manage to wait until she would be old enough, but the other question is if she (after you have waited for her enough) would like the same thing as you wish. I am waiting for Margaret, but she can refuse my attention at any time and I can only respect it. Also this thing you have to deal with.

[Tabitha]

Thank you Kasz!
First I'd have it known that I love this site, I will enjoy visiting regularly.
The forums are quite impressive, although I cannot read the language, I'll make use of google translator.

Of course I very much agree with you, I love her heart & mind, and body & soul.
I am glad to be falling for the beauty within.

Yes, when she refuses my attention I respect her wishes.

How to be patient and wait for her readiness?
This demands I keep mindful of impulse control, and ever vigilant in suppression of carnal desires.
I do well to remain abstinent until she is mature enough to relay with an informed decision to provide consent.

[Kasz]

How to be patient and wait for her readiness?
This demands I keep mindful of impulse control, and ever vigilant in suppression of carnal desires.
I do well to remain abstinent until she is mature enough to relay with an informed decision to provide consent.

If you really love her, you have clearly the biggest motivation to manage it. For me this is not a problem. My problem is, that I am alone and I don't want to be alone. I want to have my own family, wife, children... I must wait. I must wait until my death. Until that time I have time to help many people, to do many good things. This is what I live for.

Back to Margaret - I also concluded the insurance contract - if I die, she will obtain 3 milions CZK, if I die due to a car accident, she will obtain 6 milions CZK (1 USD = approx. 20 CZK). So this is the way, how I cope with it. Love is not only about good feelings, I think a good example of what is love about was Jesus Christ and his death on crucifix. Or like God - He can do everything, but He can't do nothing about freewill of a human being. For me it would be the happiest day in my life, If Margaret say YES to accept me as a potencial partner, but only if her decision will be from her free will. And at the end, I will be happy, if she would be happy in her life even with another life-partner. This is what I really want. I wish her happiness even it will be with me or with any other person. That is love for me - not to have her for me, but to wish all the best for her.

[Tabitha]

*hugs
You are a good man Kasz.

[pirats]

For me the best age is 11.I thought also about ten years old girls,but the big plus for me is that in age eleven,they may start to discover theme own sexuality.Maybe they feel curiouse...